The Mexican Standoff

No matter what anyone else tells you, know that the mexican standoff is the single most important part of a new relationship. Right now you're probably picturing two western dressed gentlemen walking slowly away from each other, in opposite directions, hand on their pistols, ready to turn and shoot on the count of three.

Unless you really want to hook the Dog the Bounty Hunter look-alike you met at the bar last night, I don't suggest ACTUALLY using a gun to win your mexican standoff. In fact, the key to winning a mexican standoff is to actually.....do.....nothing.

For most people, it's harder than it seems... (take advantage of this)

SO - what is a mexican stand off?

Picture this: It's Friday night, you're out at a bar or sitting in a coffee shop or reading a book in Rittenhouse. For all I care you could be walking your dog or reading greeting cards or buying hotdogs. It doesn't matter where you are, it just matters that you're somewhere where there's other people. And when you glance up from your fifth beer, chai latte, steamy novel, hallmark greeting, or package of wieners someone catches your eye.

Naturally, we as human beings feel the overwhelming urge to talk to them (for the 'what if' factor). Now, not everyone will - eliminating about half of the human population from being eligible to participate in a mexican standoff at any given moment. But lets say you do...and they seem interested. You will probably joke back and forth with them long enough to determine basic common interests, each others first names (if you're smart), to ensure they're bearable enough to hang out with again, and to exchange numbers. And then you go your separate ways.

This is the moment the mexican standoff begins.

The mexican standoff ends when someone breaks the silence for the first time.

Hopeless romantics, cover your eyes and stop reading here. Hit the back button, click X. The reality of EVERY relationship, but especially romantic ones is that whoever cares less, holds more power. Whether you want to admit it or not - relationships are a game.

And the outcome of the mexican standoff is the first gauntlet in what, could potentially, turn out to be a marathon of battles.

How to win a mexican standoff:

At all costs, don't, for any reason, even when drunk (especially when drunk) contact that person until they contact you. AGAIN, don't do it. Ever. For any reason. EVER.

Why?

If a person wants to talk to you or see you again, they'll make it happen. If they don't, fuck them, call me and we'll go out for drinks.

Trust me, I don't know a lot about a lot - but I am the queen of the mexican standoff. Losing one could be detrimental to your health and my credibility.