I have been going out with the most awful guys lately. I mean it - really just terrible, not good people. Not that I'm the poster child of sainthood, but honestly - these guys seem to have no direction their moral compass.
I meet this guy in the dog park, right? Where I meet most of my new friends these days. So we're talking and it turns out he has a good job, that he likes. It's always refreshing to me to meet someone who doesn't complain about their job. So he meets all the obvious criteria - semi-well dressed, relatively normal, has a job, likes dogs (more importantly, likes my dog), physically fit, semi-intelligent, and actually very funny (but not funnier than me). So he asks for my number and I go ahead and give it to him.
He texted me immediately... Like, while he was still in sight (and i have bad vision) telling me that it was nice to meet me, blah blah blah. So already I've kicked into my panic committal world where I feel suffocated. I gotta get back in therapy. Anyway, I didn't respond because do you know how hard it is to walk a dog and text at the same time? It's impossible.
So I get home, and I already have two additional text messages from this guy. One is about Nina and one is about (and I kid you not) his counter tops. Like somehow in the last 14 minutes our union became so strong that I care about the quality of his future counter tops.
So, against my better judgment, I agree to meet this guy for a drink. 6:30pm on a Thursday... I thought it had the potential to be fun and if not, I had plenty of time to salvage the rest of the night.
So I show up fifteen minutes late because it takes me 25 minutes to say bye to Nina every single time I try and leave the house. And the dude is wasted drunk. Like he's been sitting there for three hours just waiting for my arrival... sending out text messages about counter tops and commitment to all his other potential dates. So I sit down, and before he says anything even remotely resembling a greeting, he says "How many dates is it going to take for me to fuck you?".
It's the first time in my life I can remember being completely speechless. My brain was screaming "a zillion" but instead I said this "___________". Couldn't even formulate one word. I picked up my purse and left.
If my life ever gets this sad, someone please- remove my phone and the bottle of alcohol from my hands and lock me in my room until I snap out of it.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
The Real World
I was so excited to get out of college and into the real world. And don't get me wrong, I definitely love it a lot, certainly a lot more than I loved college. But it's different.
First of all, the weeks really fly by. I feel like I fall asleep Monday night and wake up to Friday morning. And worst of all, when I look back on the week - I can't actually place what I ate, when - what I wore, when - and who I saw, when. It's actually kind of freaking me out... Could I possibly have early onset Alzheimers? I'm going to Google it...
The other thing that I'm noticing, and saddened by is that people (and now me) take their lives a lot more seriously. Suddenly I do things like cut coupons, and contemplate which dishwasher detergent will be more effective. I spent TEN MINUTES trying to decide which facewash to buy. TEN MINUTES. Last week, I bought a 15 pound bag of dog food for Nina because I stood in Target and calculated that it was less dollars per pound than the smaller bag. WTF. Now, I cook for myself and know when trash night is. I have a check book. Actually I have seven checkbooks and one of those leather checkbook holders that I haven't seen since my Mom used it in 1993. When people call me, I call them back... I almost bought one of those cell phone things you can attach onto the waist of your pants (close call there). I put all of my shirts that show any amount of cleavage into a drawer, and I haven't opened it since I moved in. I own candles. And picture frames. It's like the carefree me, has morphed into some freakishly responsible human being I've never met before.
...I hang out with married couples...
My job is so rewarding, and the kids are absolutely amazing. But I need to snap out of this pattern before it gets the best of me. I mean, honestly- I do the dishes. Like, right when I'm done using them. I wonder if TLC has come out with a show for people like me yet?...
First of all, the weeks really fly by. I feel like I fall asleep Monday night and wake up to Friday morning. And worst of all, when I look back on the week - I can't actually place what I ate, when - what I wore, when - and who I saw, when. It's actually kind of freaking me out... Could I possibly have early onset Alzheimers? I'm going to Google it...
The other thing that I'm noticing, and saddened by is that people (and now me) take their lives a lot more seriously. Suddenly I do things like cut coupons, and contemplate which dishwasher detergent will be more effective. I spent TEN MINUTES trying to decide which facewash to buy. TEN MINUTES. Last week, I bought a 15 pound bag of dog food for Nina because I stood in Target and calculated that it was less dollars per pound than the smaller bag. WTF. Now, I cook for myself and know when trash night is. I have a check book. Actually I have seven checkbooks and one of those leather checkbook holders that I haven't seen since my Mom used it in 1993. When people call me, I call them back... I almost bought one of those cell phone things you can attach onto the waist of your pants (close call there). I put all of my shirts that show any amount of cleavage into a drawer, and I haven't opened it since I moved in. I own candles. And picture frames. It's like the carefree me, has morphed into some freakishly responsible human being I've never met before.
...I hang out with married couples...
My job is so rewarding, and the kids are absolutely amazing. But I need to snap out of this pattern before it gets the best of me. I mean, honestly- I do the dishes. Like, right when I'm done using them. I wonder if TLC has come out with a show for people like me yet?...
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