The Loss of the White Knights

Since childhood, I have always loved music.  Some songs have a great beat- other songs have great lyrics- best of all, some songs have both.  There are many women in music who I flip on when I need empowerment... After a break up: Alicia Keys - A Woman's Worth.  Feeling disrespected at work: Aretha Franklin -Respect.  Being told I can't do something: Gwen Stefani- I'm Just a Girl.  Feeling misunderstood: Meredith Brooks- Bitch. 

These songs are written and performed to speak to us and motivate us to survive a situation.  Now of course Beyonce can stand up on stage and perform Single Ladies or Independent Women because she's a multi-millionaire and makes more money walking out of her house than I do in a whole year.

I have always been fiercely independent.  Probably too independent for my own good.  I worked as soon as I was able to so I could buy things for myself that my parents couldn't take away from me.  This pattern continued on into my adult years- me slowly claiming responsibility of one thing at a time... Until now, where everything I own is mine and I hold no financial responsibility to anyone (except Wells Fargo that ties me down and steals all my money once a month).  Also, my mom still pays my EZPass ( thanks mom!!)

I never wanted to rely on anyone because growing up, I saw my mom get screwed over by every person in her life.  I developed a fear of the White Knights of the world- the ones who picked us up so high and let us fall that much further.

This is the first time in my life I genuinely feel like I need the help of others.  It is the first time I need a White Knight... and he is no where to be found.  It makes me wonder if this is the state of the world right now- or if I've been my own White Knight for so long that I scared all the people in my life from ever trying to save me from my figurative dragons.

Until I figure this out,  I will listen to the ultimate cheesy womens anthem: Man, I Feel Like a Woman (Shania Twain).